CXXXIX.

what a beautiful mess this really is.

CXXXVIII.

There is a man and he's been traveling far and wide. He’s been to countries, planes, rooms, floors and universes, journeying with his feet and drifting in his mind. He stops once in a while to drink tea and on special occasions, he adds milk to it. When asked why he’s traveling, he would plainly say,

 

“I’ve lost my star.”

 

Now we all know that there are lots of stars everywhere and all sorts of lights. But this is his star and he loved it unlike anything else in his world.

Truth is I am this man and I’m writing this story of mine to breathe a little. I am eternally lost but I shall not tire. Come and listen I have many splendid tales and equally humdrum ones if you fancy hearing them.

 

But please, please tell me have you seen my star?

==========================================
scribbling stuff on a coffee shop tissue paper one rainy night

CXXXVII.

Strong is weak

Weak is strong

that's just the way the cookie crumbles

CXXXVI.

gusto ko sana ng ice cream kaso delikado pa rin ang lagay ng tiyan ko...T_T lungkot. kaya pala ayaw mawala kasi nagchochokolate pa ako sa bahay. tapos kanina nagpumilit pa ako sa isang choco mallows. ayun bumisita ulit sa banyo. sigh. pinamigay ko na lang tuloy yung isa pang choco mallow. lechugas.

yun lang.

CXXXV.

THAT alone is really just enough.

many thanks, many thanks.

CXXXIV.

 

January 30, 2008

12:16pm

A question shot like a poisoned arrow

poor thing, poor little beating thing. crushed and bleeding red.

Every breath is a gasp for air

CXXXIII.

Christmas Eve. Neverneverland

I sat on that little piece of linoleum amidst that wooden makeshift bed. That little big place where you had been most of the time. I ran my hand around where I sat, where you once sat. I felt the air from the ceiling fan glide past my face, the air that chilled you at night. I looked down where my feet swayed, where your feet ached to walk some more, journey some more. I listened to what was around me, the laughter, the cheers and stories of the people who you loved with all your life. I listened to myself.

Your last breath still haunts me sometimes. But it is not because of you, it is because of my fears. I guess you already know all of them. I don't know how you do it, but I am sure you're still looking after us, guiding us, the people you care most. Thank you.

 

I know you’re happy right now. We’ve gathered. Sorry I almost cried, I just missed you.

 

Maligayang Pasko Nay.

CXXXII.

Damn virus. Giving me the  C sores. And I've got a new nickname courtesy of Richard. its BH. Go ask him. damn him too. (hitad)

So here I am, been a week already of non-stop Internet, Food, TV and Sleep. What a week... It kills me sometimes just being at one place. I'd rather walk like crazy to nowhere just so I could move. Dunno, actually I could have walked out of our house and went somewhere without ever minding my sore lip. Who cares! I've done worse.

But I didn't.

3 more hours and the sun is up and I'm already sure I'm not sleeping.  Sometimes I think that sleep is such a waste of precious time. That sleep is only for vain people who wouldn't want to mess up their faces and wrinkle their skins. There's lotsa things I could do rather than sleep and besides I'm a night person. Sleep Scientists say that Sleep deprivation can make you mad. Perhaps I already am. Lots of friends would attest to that.

Broken, irrelevant, indefinable thoughts are all that is left of me at this hour. I'm wishing of meeting a random stranger one day with broken, irrelevant and indefinable thoughts also. An old lady, a tired yuppie, a widowed father, a retired teacher, a forgotten actress, a singer, a lost schoolboy, a dreamer, a dream.

I miss my  happy places.

And now my last cup of coffee is finished and I'm running out of inspiration.

The Catbus is running late again.

CXXXI.

haay. therapeutic talaga ang maglakad habang may mabigat na backpack, nakikinig ng mp3 mula kay hiro, may kalahating apple c2 na hawak, at halos punong tiyan sa kaka fudtrip.

malamig ang hangin kaya hindi hassle pagpawisan. kung pwede lang kumanta ng malakas habang naglalakad kaso baka batuhin ako ng mga tao. maganda din ang paligid kasi kumukutikutitap madami na ang naglalagay ng christmas lights. kami sa bahay wala pa. haay, ang bahay. hindi muna ako umuwi agad. yun nga naglakad lakad pa. para akong gradeschool boy sa laki ng bag. pero ok lang. 10:59 pm na. gigising ako ng maaga bukas para sa trabaho. pero sa tingin ko lalabas muna ako ulit. magpapakain sa dilim ng gabi. =)

sige.

CXXX.



sigh